I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
