I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
