Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
