if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Randomize
