**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
