why didn't you poke me back
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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