What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
