Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
