Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
