just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
