New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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