i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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