i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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