What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize
