yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Randomize
