You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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