Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
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