physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
