its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I wish you could order shots online.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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