you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
