Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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