I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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