who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
