it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
