During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
