I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
