Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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