You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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