My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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