whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
