The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
