Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
