you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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