how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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