So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Randomize
