you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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