i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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