Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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