YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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