she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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