A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
