You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
