I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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