I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize