Tell her she can't have a vagina
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
