Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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