You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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