We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
