I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
sex in a hospital.. check
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
