I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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