also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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