I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
