thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
