im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
