Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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