you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
