It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
