some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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