So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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