Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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