I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize