and next time when you feel me up, do it right
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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