im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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