Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
