Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
